Monday, August 4, 2008

Mockery follow up........


Ok, follow up. Every owner was asked a few questions about their team and such things. Please forgive grammatical faulks, I didn't feel like editing everyone's emails. Enjoy.

Team Judy (Peter Bauman), 1st pick

Team: QB: Brady, RB: McGahee, T.Jones, Lenwhale Fat WR: Braylon, Roddy White, Crayton TE: Shockey, K/DEF: Bironas/Tennessee...key bench: Felix Jones, Ronald Curry, Chris Johnson, Aaron Rodgers

"I had first pick I had first pick, and because this is CBS format (all td's worth the same amount of pts)I took Brady, which I think is a no brainer. I'm not crazy about my RB's, but they are all solid, non-sexy picks that will get lots of carries and are pretty close to sure things to produce. My WR's are very solid, I think, with one elite, and two good players. At TE, I think Shockey has a good chance to finish in the top 3, so I like that pick. My depth is filled with sleeper WR's (Curry and Troy), a backup QB (Rodgers), and two first rounder RB's (Felix who has looked amazing in camp and LenFats handcuff, Chris Johnson).
1) my best picks were Braylon at 25th overall (JOKE), Felix at 97th, and Rodgers at 144th. In general, picks i liked that other teams made were Brees at 28th, which was a steal in CBS leagues. Also, I liked Earnest Graham 54th and Witten 55th a lot; those were steals.2) my least favorite pick was Lendale at 49th. I had to reach for him a little, but he was my favorite RB left, and I knew he would not be there after everyone else got to pick twice before my next one. I had several least favorite picks in general. MY LEAST FAVORITE BY FAR was Julius Jones at 26th...EWW! Eli at 27th was also bad but was at least a homer pick and not simply bad. Also, Plax 21st over Braylon and Crosby 102nd I think were bad.3) I think the three best all around teams are Doug's, Alon's, and Broadway Josh's (excluding mine :) )4) My least favorite teams I think are GIR (Julius Jones 26th is all you need to know) and Frankie's (no RB depth).5) chat room mvp was my penis"

Gir (Josh Birnbaum), 2nd pick

Team: QB: McNabb RB: LT, Julius Jones, Fred Taylor WR: TJ, DBowe, Derrick Mason TE: Cooley K/DEF Gould/Indy....key bench: Branch, Campbell, Ginn

"1. I'de have to give my favorite pick of the draft to JewmenTorah in Eli Manning. I'm clearly a Giants fan and only like this pick for sentimental value but its genius. I had the #2 pick overall and was thinking about taking Eli there but that would have just made too much of a mockery out of the mock draft.
2. My worst pick has to be given to myself for drafting Shaun Alexander who is unsigned. I didn't know he was jobless until after the pick bc fantasy football is not my foray. Some people may also say my pick of julius jones was awful and although most of the writers are more knowledgeable than I am, i still like Julius's potential for this year.
3. Best team in the league has to go to basket. Again, I dont know much, but I do know that Walsh is a fantasy legend. Take his word as if it came from God himself.
4. Worst team...idk. Maybe mine?
5. Chat room MVP is Sacajawea just because of this random line out of nowhere "UPDATE - Tom Hanks gets off the island." Love you chase.
6. Like I said, I dont know much about fantasy football and the last time I really knew my shit and played was probably like 6 years ago. That having said, I was also waiting for vagina to arrive at my doorstep and was very distracted because of it. If you want a piece of advice - do not model your team after mine. I am a retod."
More...

Osi JewmenTorah (Sam Morril), 3rd pick

Team: QB: Eli RB: AP, Jacobs, DeAngelo Williams WR: Boldin, Coles, Galloway TE: Gates K/DEF: Vinatieri/NYG....key bench: Vince Young, Darrell Jackson, Leon Washington

"1: Your best / favorite picks? All of them. I'm brilliant. I was listening to Billy Joel's "New York State of Mind" to inspire my New York flavored team. Then I listened to "I Love You Just the Way You Are" because I can't stand the face I see in the mirror. Adrian Peterson maybe.
2: Your worst / gayest picks? I didn't have any gay picks. I'm not a gay friendly fantasy gm. In fact, I'm the Southern Baptist Convention of fantasy GM's...I'm not thrilled with Darrell Jackson. He just sounds like a trouble maker. I don't need that homo vegan bullshit in my locker room.3: Best teams in the league? I was really unimpressed by the rest of the drafters. Especially Alon. What is up with his name, "Neon Leon?" A joke about Leon Washington. Well, he's on my team, asshole. He was my last fucking pick. I manipulated you, Shapiro. I used you, and now, I don't even care if we're friends anymore. Fuck yourself. Your team's okay.4: Worst teams in the league? Peter Bauman's team is a joke. Oh, and Chase's team SUCKS. Nice starting tight end, Chase. Kellen Winslow. All I think of you is Urkel saying, "Hi-dee Ho, Winslow," then getting your ass kicked by Carl, you uppity white motherfucker. Chase, you don't even have a kicker. Dick. You sholud be 'kicking' yourself over that one....Tool.
5: Chat room MVP? Why? I wasn't really paying attention to the rest of the people in the chatroom because I was having video sex with this girl. That's right, guys. I was getting my dick wet on vchat. I only wrote things to you after I either busted a nut (twice), or she left the room. I had my dick in one hand, and I typed witty comments with the other (my left). I made that shit mine.6 (optional, eoheoheohe): during draft: music? / hammered? / anything else pertinent or funny? Funny? There's nothing funny about this. It's a way of life."

sacajawea dollars (Chase Bronfman), 4th pick

Team: QB: Brees RB: Parker, Kevin Smith, Mendenhall WR: Moss, Plax, Kevin Curtis TE: Kellen Winslow K/DEF: None/Baltimore...key bench: Heap, Betts, Reggie Williams

"1. Round 7- Kevin Curtis --Whitest and brightest sleeper in town
2. Round 3- Plaxico Burress-- Heart-based picks, never good.
3. Best team? Walsh...Crumpler + Engram = Graham Crumplers ..Always good.
4. Morril ...The one thing he uses his heart for in life is to pick his team.
5. Neon Leon...If you just tell yourself "neon leon" before you do anything you cant not be Fine.
6. Mr. Bandy has a grandson. Have you met his grandson William? William Bandy is one of the finest members we have at the Church of The Third Revelation. He's eager to come to Hollywood to be in movies. He is very good-looking. And I do think he will have success."

There Will Be Weesh (Oren Shapiro), 5th pick

Team: QB: Garrard RB: Westbrook, Ronnie Brown, Forte WR: Wayne, Welker, Bryant Johnson TE: Scheffler K/DEF: Nugent/Chicago....key bench: Rudi Johnson, Bulger, Reggie Brown, Devin Thomas, Favre

"1: Your best / favorite picks? I really liked my Wes Welker pick. Most teams in our league have a shitty 2nd WR, and with an elite #1 WR (Lil' Reggie Wayne) I think Welker will really be the glue to my squad.
2: Your worst picks? I jumped the gun a little bit on Chicago... I never have a solid defense so I decided to take a stab at getting an elite D before the Defense run started (I took them in Round 8). Looking pack I should of taking Mendenhall or Felix Jones and I could've gotten PIttsburgh in 12.
3: Best teams in the league? Karthik
4: Worst teams in the league? Bastard in a Basket
Chatroom mvp: Me, because everything I said was funny or I would just "Go" over and over. Tsunami hizigh, dinner came in round 2, slammed a blue crab, chile and cheese quesadilla from Agave, kept harfing, still harfing."

Doug's Team (Doug Hickey), 6th pick

Team: QB: Big Ben RB: SJax, Turner, Graham WR: TO, Chambers, Hackett TE: Owen Daniels K/DEF: Crosby/SD....key bench: Burleson, Stallworth, Kitna, Hester, LaMont

"My three favorite picks (in no particular order) are : Steven Jackson, Ben Roethlisberger, and Donte Stallworth. Jackson, although out for four games last year has shown that he can put up yards and touchdowns both rushing and receiving. Roethlisberger had the second highst QB rating last year and if he can come close to duplicating that season I'll be happy with him as the seventh QB taken in the draft. His top two receivers, Hines Ward and Santonio Holmes, return, Heath Miller is a solid tight end and Rashad Mendenhall and Limas Sweed should help make Pittsburgh better offensively than they were in 2007. Stallworth comes to the Browns as the number two wide out and Derek Anderson should be able to find him for plenty of yards and touchdowns. Stallworth was also taken in the twelfth round so he is a low risk, high reward pick as my fourth/fifth wide out. My worst pick was D.J. Hackett. He could provide good value if he can win the number two receiving spot, but I was rushed in picking him because I didn't realize it was my turn to pick until there were thirty seconds left and I had no one else in mind. The top three teams in the league are: Doug's Team, There will be weesh. and neon leon. The worst two teams in the league are: bastard in a basket and Gir."

Karthik (Karthik), 7th pick

Team: QB: Carson RB: Addai, MJD, Deuce WR: Fitzy, Hines, Santana TE: Witten DEF/K: Gostkowski/Pitt....key bench: Javon Walker, Delhomme, Kenny Watson, Jabar Gaffney

"1. best pick had to be earnest graham. look at the numbers some of the guys taken before him had and they fail in comparison; thomas jones, matt forte, fred taylor, lendale white, jonathan stewart. I'm biased being a jets and tulane fan, but jones and forte still dont belong on the draft board before graham. What a steal. also bret favre in the 14th. assuming hes the favre of old and will easily beat out aaron rodgers for the starting spot or get traded and be a starter thats another steal. 2. worst pick - im gonna say plexiglass with the 21st pick. only b/c the owner didnt take a rb until the 4th round.. with his 2nd pick overall I think he'd have been better off with a rb there especially since he took randy with the 4th pick overall in the 1st round. 3 - best team Dougs team. hes got a solid rb trio. 4 - worst team sacajawea dollars - weakest rb group. 5 - chat room mvp -alon - b/c hes a good kid."

bastard in a basket (Adam Walsh), 8th pick

Team: QB: Romo, RB: McFadden, Bush, Jonathan Stewart WR: Santonio, Marvin Harrison, Lee Evans TE: Crumpler K/DEF: Dawson/none-faulk defense.....key bench: Engram, Hardy, Bennett, Fargas, Ricky Williams, Leinart

"I love my team. I love that a bunch of others said I have the worst team. My favorite picks are all of them I owned. Reached a little for McFadden in the 2nd but I wanted him and everyone knew it so I had to. Love Bush and Stewart, love my RBs, love the youngins this year. Harrison fell into my lap late and could produce like a top 10 this season, Lee Evans also fell into my lap and could bounceback. Engram on my bench gives me WR security if one of them suck. Faulk TE, 3 wr 3 rb it is easier to absorb a bad TE. Worst picks Julius Jones, mockery. Herman took tight ends I've never heard of to fill his bench, which I cannot tell if it was genius or completely retarded. Graham pick was tremendous, Braylon pick by judith was great. lululu. Oren's team is good. Gir's team is bad. Peter dissapointed me, but his team is still ok. Besides my own team, Alon's is by far and away my favorite. I was completely shithoused by the end of the draft and passed out for 3 hours afterwards. A glorious Sunday indeed."

neon leon (Alon Shapiro), 9th pick

Team: QB: Derek Anderson RB: Gore, Grant, Edge WR: Steve Smith, Roy Williams, Cotchery TE: Tony G K/DEF: None/Dallas....key bench: Meachem, Torain, BJackson, Shaun McDonald, JaMarcus

"1: It's hard to not put Derek Anderson as my favorite and best pick. He could easily be a top QB this year with Cleveland's very high powered offense. I got him 7th round, 81st pick overall. Somebody's gotta get Kellen and Braylon the rock.
2: Round 11, 129th pick - Brandon Jackson. He was a disappointment on many teams last year and the only reason I took him is because I have Ryan Grant, who only recently got signed, and in the midst of his hold-out Brandon has been having a really sick training camp. He will probably be dropped at some point, but it's lame that I really have to take him b/c I have Grant.
3: Other then my own team I think that Schlong and Doug have the two best teams.
4: I think that the worst team's in the leagues are Chase's, Gir's and Walsh's (Herman Gir and Herman... Charles Gir and Gir... So many possible permutations... Sorry guys)
5: Sam Morril. You really gotta love his dedication to the Giants and NY sports in general... Eli, Coles, Jacobs, Leon, Giants D... Not to mention the usual amount of funny one liners.
6: I don't know. Walsh was controlling the music. Something that I wasn't too into (ooooo roommate rivalry). Either way I was mostly concentrating on the draft and my hands sweating... sure it wasn't a "REAL" draft but I don't want my dedicated readers to think my team sucks... do you think my team sucks? Great..."

the practice sunnys (Ronen Shapiro), 10th pick

Team: QB: Rivers RB: MBIII Larry Johnson Maroney WR: Brandon Marshall Greg Jennings Vincent Jackson TE: Dustin Keller K/DEF: Kaeding/NWE.....key bench: Berrian, Bradshaw, Issac Bruce

Ronen had serious problems getting into the draft room and a lot of his picks were auto'd so he will not be joining us here.

team win (Frankie Hermosilla), 11th pick

Team: QB: Hasselbeck RB: Portis Chester Taylor WR: Andre Johnson Chad Johnson Torry Holt Donald Driver TE: Heath Miller K/DEF: Graham/GB...key bench: Ahman Green, Shaub, Jerious Norwood, Toomer

"Alon was right about one thing in his write up. I am a legend. That being said, football is my third sport. I didn't have much time to prep for the mock due to penile exhaustion, so I did what any respectable sports fan did. I picked my guys. Sue me. Houston could surprise a lot of people this year. Their o-line is finally getting better. I think they'll at least finish above Tennessee. It just made me feel warm, guys. Better than scotch. Anyway, I think my quarterbacks are solid, especially for where I drafted them. I'd probably trade a wideout for a running back should we keep this league. My favorite pick overall has to Dustin Keller in the 10th, who I have personally dubbed "potentially the next Colston." I have to tell you, the more I play with Doug the more I love "Doug's team." He's a terrible drafter, and really a terrible human being too, but "Doug's team" perfectly captures the understated nature of our favorite silent killer. I've since changed my team name from "team win" to "Doug's team" despite the huge inconvenience to Doug, myself, and the rest of the league. What can I say, I'm a follower."

Broadway Josh (Josh Salon), 12th pick

Team: QB: Peyton RB: Lynch Jamal Lewis Selvin Young WR: Colston Calvin Johnson Anthony Gonzalez TE: Dallas Clark K/DEF: Folk/Minny...key bench: Cutler, Vernon Davis, Chris Brown, Warrick Dunn, Jerry Porter

"Best pick was Peyton at 12. He's a lock for 16 games and 35+ td's
Worst was Minnesota. I went for it too early and could have picked up someone just as good 1-2 rounds later.
My team fucken awesome. everyone else sucks
Ronen was silent. A+"

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